6 Relationship Myths That Keep People Stuck

Relationships are messy, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something. As a trauma-informed therapist, I see clients every week carrying myths that make connection harder. Let’s unpack six of the most common ones, and the reality behind them.

Myth 1: “Couples shouldn’t go to bed angry.”

Many people try to resolve every conflict before sleep, believing that’s the “right” way to do it. In reality, trying to fix things while tired or emotionally triggered often backfires. So many of my clients have stayed up talking in circles and becoming more frustrated without solving anything.

Reality check: Pausing, taking a breath, and revisiting the issue later often leads to better communication and less regret. Conflict doesn’t need to be solved immediately; it needs to be approached when both partners can think clearly.

*If leaving a conflict unresolved until the next day is challenging, I can help individuals and couples self-soothe and feel more secure in their connection so that the conversation can take place after a good night sleep.

Myth 2: “Relationships should be easy. If it’s hard, it’s not meant to be.”

It’s common to think that if a relationship isn’t effortless, something’s wrong. But relationships, especially those involving past trauma or attachment challenges, take work. I’ve had clients assume frequent arguments meant incompatibility, only to realize the issues were about communication patterns, not a fundamental mismatch.

Reality check: Hard moments don’t equal failure. When approached with curiosity and care, they can actually strengthen the relationship.

*I can teach you how to fight fair so that you can navigate inevitable conflict with your partner.

Myth 3: “You shouldn’t be in a relationship until you’ve worked through all your stuff.”

Many people feel they must be “perfectly healed” before dating. It is true that unprocessed trauma can bring up challenges in a relationship, and a supportive partner can aid in the healing.

Reality check: Healing and relationships can happen together. You don’t need to be perfect; you need to communicate, reflect, and practice boundaries.

*I can help you find ways to communicate with your partner about experiences you've been through and how they can support you and the relationship.

Myth 4: “I shouldn’t have to ask.”

This one can feel frustrating. You shouldn’t have to remind someone to text back or notice when you’re upset, but assuming people automatically know your needs is unrealistic. I’ve seen couples go months silently frustrated over things that could have been resolved in a single conversation.

Reality check: Adult relationships require communication. Expressing your needs isn’t nagging, it’s essential for connection and trust.

*I can help you identify and express your needs, as well as work through any past experiences when expressing your needs did not go well.

Myth 5: “If we don’t feel butterflies anymore, maybe we’re not meant to be.”

Many people believe romance is all about constant excitement. In reality, long-term relationships evolve. The “butterflies” often give way to deeper connection: trust, safety, and emotional intimacy.

Reality check: Feeling comfortable, supported, and understood is just as important, if not more important than butterflies. Passion can exist alongside calm, steady love.

*I can help you find ways to appreciate the steadiness while re-introducing passion and excitement to your relationship.

The Takeaway

There’s no perfect relationship, and there’s no magic formula. Oversimplified advice does more harm than good. What matters most is:

• Knowing and expressing your own needs

• Setting clear boundaries

• Communicating effectively

• Being willing to grow individually and together

If you’re tired of feeling stuck in old patterns or carrying myths that hold you back, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help. Together, we can untangle beliefs that no longer serve you, improve communication, and help you build relationships that are both real and fulfilling.